5/24 Philosophers Circle, Metzinger, consciousness-of-consciousness, not representing anything at all. – What you claim to be pure consciousness is residual consciousness, one that is not entirely empty. If you had done it right, you would have fallen asleep, or died.

5/23 A night of unbelievably good sleep followed by a night of sleep that is so frighteningly poor that more than maybe four of those in a row would mean dying.

5/22 Discussed mathematics. How the imaginary number is not any more imaginary than the number zero.

5/21 Ever increasing feeling of inadequacy in my job, and ever increasing authority being bestowed on me.

5/20 That feeling during practice that it shouldn’t be this hard. Surely, nobody has ever been this far apart from being able to do it.

5/19 What shall we actually do in those billions of years ahead of us? In retrospect it seems plausible that it took life several billions of years to get to the present state, and no one seems to have become particularly bored during that time. Is there any way for us to estimate whether that will be different during the next few billions of years?

5/18 Worked in the yard all day to mount the charging station for the car on a pole which we cemented into the ground. The cable that gets the power from the house we buried under the lawn.

5/17 On advice from Chris I play Yesterday. It sounds a little cheesy at first, a little too well known, but then the absolute timeless beauty of the song takes over, and all I wish is I could play it well.

5/16 What others – even I myself – may consider the most spectacular turn of my life – that I moved to another continent and another culture as late as age 40 – is something that happened to me rather accidentally, was never planned for, and the only thing about it that may tell anything about me is that I did not say no to it.

You read a sentence and it sounds convincing to you and you vow to live by it for the rest of your life, and you do, because you are good at being consistent. I don’t. I have lived against much of the most convincing things I have ever read, often without being able to justify it. I do believe there’s a core I will never give up. My sincerity, perhaps. But I don’t feel particularly like spelling it out.

5/15 A whole lot of the reasons why one could want to write – which are all present in everyone who writes – are set to disappear. That’s a good thing.