January 18. First day since long ago in the office. Had already forgotten how the microwave works. – It’s hard for me to find reasons for this, but a conversation with a colleague I’m working with on the same project was absolutely worth it, and this conversation wouldn’t have happened any other way. Otherwise, full day. Cut hair, did laundry, ran, gym, piano.
January 17. With such a failure as in a game, where I’m much worse than completely normal people around me for no apparent reason, I get scared every time and increasingly ask myself if I’m possibly getting old. But even if the question were to be answered in the negative now, i.e. if my strange blanks have nothing to do with age, it will be true at some point, and so there is no harm in developing the necessary behavior already: not accepting any limit, trying everything without it depending on whether I can catch up with any normal or young people with it.
January 16. Thirty-Hour-Day back to New York.
January 15. Very distraught when I can’t do a game at all, like Osu! right now, while being surrounded by several people who can.
January 14. I’ve always been so busy trying to achieve even a glimmer of presence with my kids that I’ve barely given a thought to also doing it right.
January 13. Sweden, first day. Actually a seamless continuation of the previous day. Children enthusiastic. Rolling over showing us things on their computers.
January 12. Tonight Sweden.
January 11. Perhaps one should not completely exhaust oneself at a young age, so that in old age, with steadily increasing, eventually infinite effort, one can maintain a constant level.
January 10. In EVE Online there is exactly what I dreamed of as a little boy with Lego.
January 9. A few days ago, I asked on Reddit how much looking at your hands is allowed when playing the piano. It is stunning that I phrased the question in this moralizing way, even though I asked it in English. After all, I’m only concerned with how to get where I want to go, whereas if I get where I want to go, it might turn out to be quite different than I thought, and I might want to go somewhere else.