12/15 J in severe pain, brought to a hospital here in Newburgh in an ambulance. Spent the day in the ER. Meaningless beeps from machines nobody cares to turn off. That’s not to say they don’t have excellent processes here, which they do. A command center with patients on stretchers between the battle stations. Routine, calmness and fatigue of the staff.

It appears remarkable to me that, whatever may have happened to J, there would have been a path to deal with it. Including a helicopter to a more capable hospital. But that may just be me being naive.

We are in that territory where you say it’s going to be alright even though you don’t know if it’s going to be alright. Where you put your hand on her forehead because she told you it’s what she likes and it helps a little, while you look around in the ER to see if there’s anyone you could ask for something, you’re clearly panicked, but you don’t know the processes and you assume everyone is doing as much as they can and within the assigned priorities and you just look around for help knowing that you already have all the help that’s available.

J hums christmas songs to bear the pain.

After some imaging, an intravenous drug is what makes the pain vanish and beckons paradise. There is nothing else to be done.