December 20. The essay – the first one I wrote with my new half-hour-a-day regime – is good. Encouraged by the others, I submitted it for publication. That’s making me tear my hair out and pace up and down the apartment for hours. I hate this. I don’t want this. I don’t need this. I’ll have to lie to myself about it, and make sure not to pay too much attention to myself lying. I hope it gets rejected – catches nobody’s attention – and I can publish it just like I normally do.