September 2. Camping in space.

The first night was much colder than the second - forty-five degrees and now fifty-five. Still, every night is a lesson in not expecting anything from the temperature. I have a much better sleeping bag now than last year, but without a blanket underneath it gets cold in there too. Also: warm underwear and the normal clothes over it.

It takes an hour to make coffee in the morning.

Been swimming again. Big spider on a tree on the shore, stretched out in the morning sun.

Last night in the dark, by the fire, we played a game that had questions in it like: Who has influenced you the most in the last year. This leads to the question of how to define influence. Influence is more than checking out someone or admiring them. Someone, must have made you do something that you otherwise would not have done or would have done differently. In that regard, I’m having a hard time finding any kind of influence in the last year, which is a sign of the drought, the sinkhole I’m in.

I also feel, as usual, desperate. J. and I discuss the difference between desparation and urgency.

Wish for the next year: to finish the essay and start another one.

For the second time, after a year, kayak again, the two of us. It’s about the same as my first time golfing, when I asked what I was doing wrong, and the answer was: Everything! - You have to hold your course like a compass needle, paddle in a steady rhythm, change course just by dipping the paddles differently, and not overcompensate. Upper body relaxed at the same time. Otherwise, many times the effort that would be needed goes into tensing the muscles. Meanwhile, J. practices patience with me.