November 4. From what does the right of children to not be deprived of a parent derive? Because there is no one who is so devoted to them? Perhaps also to counteract the mystical transfiguration. The ominous father is not a lost key to one’s life. He is someone who curiously looks and thinks much like oneself. I didn’t get anything like a rewarding role model from my father. (Except for the discipline of getting up at five in the morning and going to the factory, in which I joined him one summer – that impression remains). I therefore find it difficult to understand how important I – especially I – could be to my children. Perhaps they themselves wanted to go to Sweden and shrugged off the loss of their father.

Third run this week, the watch always reminds me to pace myself moderately. Tank top, t-shirt, long-sleeved shirt. It’s dark when I run. Car headlights dazzle. Body wants to gain weight, I run against it.

As of this week, back on the thirty-eighth floor. There are no official desks for our group there, but I’m the only one who still goes to headquarters anyway, and all the tables are flex, and sparsely occupied. It’s good for me to be around other people (without ever talking to anyone) – people doing strange pursuits that are somehow related to the company.

I worked in the zone for hours today and hardly noticed how time passed.