August 25. I can try to turn each memory around willingly. If it hurts, say: it was so wonderful.

Chat and video with the kids. I am transferred right into their room, I am with them. We can ask anything and discuss anything, it’s so different from the sheer shock of the last time when I was banned from all communication by court order. It is better now. I am better.

I feel tempted to shower them with gifts to pretend something is fixed that can’t be fixed.