August 24. Ask yourself how much of it is sincere concern for your children’s happiness, and how much is bemoaning your own father experiences. Is their pain as great as yours? Unlikely. They wouldn’t be able to take it, and children are adaptable.

Maybe I’m fleeing into obedience. I refused the lawyer’s question whether I wanted to fight to get the children back, which she found somewhat surprising. But I don’t see how I could force anyone to live in an unwanted country, and how a happy life could come out of that for anyone. So I cleared a weekend for the first flight to Gothenburg, and instantly, accidentally ran over an event that was important to J. Started chatting with the kids and inquiring about their needs. Eyed the house on Google.

I have fainter memories of the interval years with my older son, and I don’t think that’s just because of the time distance. The selfie hadn’t been invented then, and I think that makes a big difference. And it makes a big difference whether you see each other one day every two weeks, or three times every week, or one week every three months. In the end, you’ve saved up something, you’ve accumulated a sum, and it turns out to be bigger or smaller than what should be.

These last, magical two years have been more than enough. For me, but I think also for them. And I was far from good. On the playground, I often, almost always, sat down on a bench to indulge my thoughts (the smartphone usually stayed in my pocket). At home, I released them into their online worlds for hours, almost entire days. The moments were enough for me: a philosophical discussion after waking up, a movie watched together, the few minutes on the bikes.

How much we can save now, with a maximum of one weekend a month, I don’t know yet. Today there is also chat and video. Today I am very deeply connected with many people I never see in person.