11/16 I had the feeling that I’m not allowed to say what I think, not because I thought anything that I knew someone would find offensive or unacceptable, but because some thoughts of others – not thoughts that I shared – got that treatment. And so I began to feel I was thinking in a mine field.

11/15 Weird: a long day of traveling without any time zone change. It wasn’t even that long: we left our hotel in Atlanta only at three. And yet, at ten thirty, as I look out the window of my apartment, it feels just as much of a reality switch as it does after a full transatlantic travel day, except we’re a little less exhausted.

11/14 BBQ at the Local Q four minutes from our hotel. 

J asks what my red line would be, the point at which I’d pull the trigger and leave the country. I would not do this for any specific policy I don’t like. Whenever something goes bad for someone, it will be my duty to help, not to move away. 

11/13 Spent one and a half sleepless hours driving on the empty freeways of Atlanta in pouring rain.

11/12 “Live truthfully in imaginary circumstances” – L about theatre in her theatre group.

11/11 Atlanta. Reading Everyone Who Is Gone Is Here, a page turner, matching my new requirements on reading material. I don’t have time to read anything that does not capture me beyond what I’d think is even possible. Also, only two hours of sleep last night. And consequently, far too much sleep during the day. J’s correct diagnosis: If I end up with nights as sleepless as that, eating away at my work days, I will need to work during those nights.

11/10 Three levels. First, what should the world be like in a thousand years? What’s the utopia we work for? Second, what are the policies that match this today? Third, what do I do to help the person right here in front of me?

11/9 It would befit a German immigrant to engage where people are rounded up and deported.

11/8 Out with a co-worker from long ago who is visiting New York. He thinks I am smart, marvels at many things I say. It’s funny because from my perspective, all my thoughts fall woefully short of being smart. Thoughts I consider smart are, by definition, beyond my ability to come up with them.

11/7 Everything breaks into a cacophony of explanations, everybody says what they have always said, only this time they’re finally right.