4/4 Back in Manhattan for the protest. Taking one political action every day, a kind of political routine, does not calm the conscience. It is in the nature of politics to not be calmed.

4/3 Dinner at Beso’s. White sky, warm. Asymmetry of the bridge. Talked about how I feel so inadequate of doing anything meaningful, with initiative, and how happy J is with being able to just tell me what she needs and how I have no problem in my masculinity with doing just that, and how that is more than enough, it’s a dream.

4/2 Back in Newburgh. Of all the few people J knows who might help her, I guess I’m the most silent. Supposed to be the most silent. 

4/1 From Newburgh into Manhattan. Turns out the Yankees are playing, and so the train fills with game goers. I would not have known it’s the Yankees, I first had to look up the logo on their caps and shirts on my phone. Which I could only do because I know it is baseball, and I know the names of the teams, I just don’t know which logo is which.

3/31 Learning how to buy a car. The multi-dimensional decisions wreck me. We’ll have fun with it though. That’s worth it.

3/30 Wrote my first violin part.

3/29 Both reading in bed at night, J with a lamp since she’s reading a paper book. She’s worried it might disturb me, but no, it doesn’t. She finishes her book, which she started today, at 2am in the morning: Julia (1984).

3/28 No payday loans in this family.

3/27 I consider myself novelty-seeking, even though that appears laughable to others, including my wife. I seek novelties at a rate of maybe a handful per year, and because of the constant drama in my head that appears high to me, about the utmost I can handle.

3/26 DX E-Piano on the piano. Hit the keys hard.